Defying Gravity

tsmith122788 @ 2006-10-14T00:50:00

2006-10-14T05:50:38Z

I really just want to give up...

Did you know that I was listening?

2006-09-05T00:24:45Z

Well I'm sitting upstairs in our loft and my parents and family are right below me talking about me. They're discussing the fact that I'm a huge fuck up. Apparently I don't deserve to go to college and if I dont shape up- they're not going to send me anywhere. They're saying that I can get a job for a year and tough it out. see what it's really like out there. then maybe it will be worth their effort. right now I'm not. I'm a bitch and not that smart. "She doesn't know what she wants to do and she probably won't get in anywhere, anyways" thanks! this all started because i told my dad i didn't want to go to school in denver. so what does he do? he continues to shove it in my face. "why are you ruling things out tori?" "we're goign to look at it." sorry I'm getting upset! sorry i'm not worth your time! please kick me when i'm down. i'm just a fuck up right? you know if you say someones something enough- they'll start to believe it. well i believe you- can you stop now?

Seniors: Respect you Elders!

2006-08-23T04:07:32Z

So today was my first day as a senior! it was good with the exception of the massive amounts of stress i'm under. honors econ is a Bitch with a capital B. My assignment for tonight- read chapter 1 and 2 (up until page 48) and be ready for a quiz tomorrow. Nice, right? That along with 65481663 other commitments this week is just bogging me down! Ah I'm so stressed! Senior year's supposed to be easy right? oh well... i'm a pessimist- but it's the first day of school, what did you expect?

tsmith122788 @ 2006-08-09T21:53:00

2006-08-10T02:56:40Z

so my spring break plans fell through. AWESOME!!! anyone feel like missing a week of school and going down to Playa del Carmen March 17 to March 24. let me know

tsmith122788 @ 2006-07-30T23:26:00

2006-07-31T04:39:57Z

i sound like an emo crazy person whenever i update- and i might be crazy but i am hardly emo. i just seems like my weird moods have become synamonous with a live journal mood. with that said...

the future has already been in the back of my mind but with college approaching and being forced to face choices head on i feel even more stressed 24-7. the truth of the matter is i'm scared of death. not that i won't get into a good college or that i'll fail my senoir year, but that i won't ever be content with where i am or what i have. all my life i've had asperations to have it all- the career, the family, the amazing experiences. part of that is just me being indecisive i realize but nonetheless it's always been looked at as "wow you're so goal oriented" but now i wonder. if i get that perfect career and live in the city (my dream)will i starve for a family in the suburbs? if i decide that i want the family life will i always wonder what i could have truly accomplished if i had gone for the career? i'm the steryotypical "what if" person. I play out situations in my head mapping out things would have gone if i'd done this differently. scary stuff. i wish someone would just tell me what to do and where to go to school. decisions suck. in the wise words of toys-r-us i don't want to grow up!

once in a while

2006-07-12T05:28:30Z

it's funny how quickly things can change- funny in that terrifying sort of way. last week i thought i knew who i was and who, quite frankly, always intended to be- or at least until college. somewhere in my head i got this notion- people may change, but me- i'll change at milestones. i was this person in gradeschool, and then my personality did a little bit of a switch in highschool, and then moving i changed a lot then too i suppose (yes i know i probably sound scitso) i had prepared myself to be this person for the remainder and just add to it, or change it, in college. i liked the fact that people could expect me to behave a certain way. if people thought they knew who i was, then i guess i knew who i was. but these past couple days i feel like i don't have control over anything. every decision i make, i'm torn. i find myself doing things so unlike me and it scares the living hell out of me. i like the consistency of my "milestone" way of thinking. I somehow seemed to give my life a schedule, which if you know me, i love. now it's a jumbled around and i can't decide whether to embrace it or run scared. it's late. i'm sober. time for bed.

Insecurities Weigh Heavy Tonight

2006-05-06T04:43:30Z

This entry is deticated to the one and only Allison Downes, who claims she reads everyone of my livejournal entries.

It's funny how in one instant you can be flooded with so many emotions: Anger, happiness, dissappointment, relief. Tonight, at the end, was one of those nights. The night was neither fantastic nor horrible, yet it was very fun. I love hanging out with so many different groups and people yet at the same time I feel stretched so thin. I long for consistency but my life has never been like that. i don't know what I want... i just know I need some things to change.

streeesssssssssed out

2006-04-28T05:00:31Z

so I can't even believe I have the time to write this right now... because I really shouldn't be. So it's officially 11:58 and I got home about 15 minutes ago from work, which started at 3:30 fyi. Anywhoo, before I go to bed I have to write two papers and study for two tests. I have to go in tomorrow early to take a test and have a performance tomorrow night that I am so not ready for. I've had one of the worst weeks in my life. So to sum it up: Tori is in a bad mood from being tired and will probably remain that way until she gets more then two hours of sleep. Peace out. Hags

tsmith122788 @ 2006-04-06T17:38:00

2006-04-06T22:40:37Z

Yay My Pretty Phone!!!

So yeah I got a fabulous new phone BUT I lost all my numbers because my old one broke... so GIVE ME YOUR NUMBERS BITCHES

I'm Alive

2006-03-23T05:11:51Z

So I for sure have not updated in at least 7.321 years and I'm really sorry about that. Here's the jist of my life for the past... well however long it's been.

I got a job serving for banquets at a golf coarse/country club thing... REALLY FUN, LOOOOOVE IT!

We had spring break last week and I went down to Mexico for the Mission Trip and it was actually really really fun.

Choir can suck balls because I hate hate my director!

Technology, including my CD disk thing on my computer, car, and cell phone HATE ME... SO if you're trying to get a hold of me send me a e-mail or call me if it's before 9:30... yeah that's my house for you

That's pretty much it

Oh yeah I miss you all terribly. Where's all these road trips that I was supposed to get? Loves yahs!

Cloud Seven

2006-02-17T05:42:38Z

Opening of the play was today. Had a matinae during school today then official opening night tonight. It went really well. I "forgot" to mention to my parents that I was the slut of the play so that was interesting. My dad said I was the floosy... haha. Drama drama drama with school caused by our newspaper. Stupid people. That's really it. Love yah

Craziness

2006-02-10T12:41:56Z

So I haven't updated in quite some time b/c my life is pretty busy right now. The play is next weekend and I feel so unprepared for it. Yikes. This weekend is goign to be insane! Tonight I have play practice and then like half hour before the basketball game. Then tomorrow morning I have the ACTS and WPA (women pay all) aka turnabout that night. I'm looking forward to it so much! Then Sunday I have play practice at 1:00. And Sunday night is Spanish project, homework, and Grey's Anatomy time. Busy. I have to pick my classes for next year. Senoir year is not goign to be fun. I'm considering taking a chemistry class at the community college for credit through my school. Who knows? Time for school....

Pressure

2006-01-27T03:13:46Z

It's scary being a junior and having only 1 1/2 more semesters of high school left. Recently I've really been feeling the pressure of college and my future. It's so weird looking at colleges and thinking about my career. I'm the type of person whois just like eh, we'll see what happens but i don't know. I feel like I'm being forced to choose where I want to go next year and who I want to be in 5 years, right now. I honestly no idea. I have ambitions, but they seem just that... too ambitious. I'm sure it will work itself out, but in the meantime I'm forced worrying and stressing over testing, grades, tuitions, scholorships...fun stuff.

Side note: I'M PISSED! THIS OC THING IS GETTING OUT OF CONTROL. I HATE KAITLIN!

Note the time

2006-01-21T08:46:54Z

So yeah, 2:45 in the morning and just finished watching Phantom of the Opera. It's such a good movie, oh my gosh! Amazing music + love triangles= my kind of movie. Well I don't know what to do with myself.... sleep, pish posh no way jose. Until next time... watch out for the Phantom of the Opera

tsmith122788 @ 2006-01-16T22:09:00

2006-01-17T04:12:00Z

ugggghhhh.... you are annoying me so much. How about you stop saying you're my friend and actuallly do it. Call, see me when I visit, talk to me in times other than when you're in crisis!

If you think this is about you, then it probably is...

New things

2006-01-16T06:33:08Z

I love meeting new people and trying new things! It keeps life intereseting. As much as I miss people back in Brookfield, I really enjoy the hustle and bustle of never doing the same thing twice. I've lived here over 7 months and I'm still meeitng people for the first time. I LOVE it!

This weekend was a weekend of a few firsts.... and probably not the lasts

Happy Faces

2006-01-13T12:38:10Z

Sorry about the lack of updates lately. Let me get you caught up before I rant... Christmas break was great! I went to WI and that was fabulous. I'm sorry if I didn't see/ didn't get to spend a ton of time with you! I had so much fun though!

I probably won't be able to visit again until summer.... which brings me to my ranting. It's so hard to watch people change, especially when it's for the worse. Going back I was shocked about how many people had a whole new set of priorities. I understand time can't freeze, change happens, yeah I get it but does that mean that people have to become someone you don't recognize? I was shocked how when I came to visit, that the people that I couldn't wait to see and speak to most often were like blah hey okay well I have to go hang out with more important people. Sweet, see you in six months? It was just dissapointing in that aspect. Oh well

it's 6:37 and I must get ready for school so I'll post about tonight and junk later, soon later

I miss and love you ali my dear!

Birthday

2005-12-28T05:39:28Z

AH, today was such a fun day! My dad woke me up at like 7:30/8 to take the car to get fixed and then I went back to bed. I was woken up by a bunch of girls and they made me put on ridiculous clothes and go to breakfast that way.

Then a few of us went to this random ass statue that we named Daddy Phelps. You don't even understand how random this statue is. It's this HUGE man leaning back and his upper body is sticking out of the rocks along with his feet and the rest is supposed to look like it's burried or something, I don't know. but it's behind all these neighborhoods on a tiny street. So we took 23423 pictures on this giant statue and decided to go vintage shopping in Westport. Fun fun

Let's see, then I went home and rested then did cake and presents.

Tonight was a little of a bust. We went to 2 parties but left b/c I really don't know why, just had a bad feeling and it turns out both times the cops came about 5 minutes later to break it up. Lucky.

that about sums it up. Have a lot to do before friday. I say bah humbug to people think bdays are just a day and not a big deal. BAH HUMBUG

Merry Belated Christmas

2005-12-26T07:01:20Z

Well all in all Christmas was very enjoyable. It was Grayson's bday as well so she was even more the center of attention then normal. Thought I'd give you the highlights of the Smith Family Christmas this year...

1. During church Christmas eve, while everyone was singing, my 4-year old brother Carter just sang high pitch noises

2. Carter seeing what Santa brought him, then DIVING under the tree to grab the "big box" and ripping it open all in about .3423 seconds

3. Grayson having about 2142 mood swings and getting away with it because it was her birthday

4. Yeah, too lazy to continue...but you get the idea

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!!!!!!!1

almost done

2005-12-24T07:55:31Z

Ah, tonight was so much fun. Jill and I met up with these St. Theresa girls (all girl schoool) and we all went ice-skating. I was soooo bad. Actually, I take that back, I was really good up until the stopping part. Then I just ran into the wall or fell. My bum hurts so bad right now. Let's see.. so then we went to this sketch part of Kansas City like half hour away and had food at this little Mexican restaurant... so good! We've decided that from now on we're going to go to a sketch, ethnic restaurant each week. Next week is Greek. After dinner we went to this kid's house and just hung out. Such a random/ awesome night.

I have been making Christmas presents for the past two nights and I am so close to being done. I'm so impressed with myself. I took those multi glass picture frames that are 3D-ish and put pictures on the sides and glitterfied them and along the border of the glass I put quotes about friendship. It's fabulous! I only had enough energy to make 5 though. Oh well.

I officially visit in less than a week (wow it's already too)

I have to wrap 234723 presents now. Muah

Oven Fresh Pizza

2005-12-16T05:49:15Z

So in 2 weeks and 1 day I will be in Brookfield :). I'm so excited!!!!

So at my school if we have a 96 or higher in a class we can exempt the exam and if we miss less than 2 days of school we can exempt one exam of our choice if we have higher than a 86... which mean...

TOMORROW IS OFFICIALLY MY LAST DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS BREAK!

that's right...no exams *knock on wood*(taking physics test tomorrow)I am SO relieved and excited! This means that my break is unofficially 3 weeks long! How AMAZING is that! YAY

that is all

tsmith122788 @ 2005-12-07T22:50:00

2005-12-08T04:52:48Z

In light of my tramatic day... i forgot to mention some good/ great news!

I FOUND A JIMMY JOHNS HERE!!!!!! I have yet to go, but I can't wait!!!

I am visiting good Ol' brookfield from Dec. 30-Jan.3.. YAY!!!!!!!!!

SNOW DAY TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate snow

2005-12-07T23:41:13Z

So it's 5:30 and I'm just getting home from school which FYI got out at 2:50. Here is how my afternoon went...
got out of school thrilled with the idea of going home

got stuck in the parking lot of school and had to ask a bunch of guys to push me out

went down a College Road only to find it had a HUGE hill so had to turn around

went down Quivera to 119th and then Nall

Took 127th which had a TINY hill and sputtered up it for at least five minutes

thought I was home free and then got stuck in THE ENTRANCE TO MY NEIGHBORHOOD!

pushed it up the hill to my street and 2 hours and 10 minutes later... honey i'm home

as;dkfja;sldfkj;laskd

Ow

2005-12-03T19:38:30Z

So I took the SAT's this morning and my head still hurts. There's so much english on it, I hated it. Math went pretty well *knock on wood*. I think it's so stupid how this one test determines where you go to school and affects the rest of your life. It's an aweful, inhumane test! Well I am going to go lay down if my parents let me. Adios

Friday Night

2005-11-26T15:57:27Z

So last night was so fun. First off I saw RENT and Oh my goodness, it was INCREDIBLE. it has the same feel as the actual musical but seeing the facial expressions adds a lot. I was balling like a baby throughout the whole movie. I want to see it again, right now... andale.

After the movie I got dinner and then went to this girls house and that was really fun. Had to be home at nine was the only downside. ugh, really good night! hope everyone's thanksgiving went well! love yah all! muah